the journey through the expressway was a difficult one. i lay still at the back of the taxi thinking of what is about to happen. how will she take this. how will the family take it should we no longer have control to survive him. i teared the moment i step foot at NUH. will this be the last? or will his good deeds help him to live through with his loved ones with God's will? dad and myself went straight to the intensive care unit.. but soon to realise that we had to wait for awhile since my grandfather had just been wheeled in, as his bed was seen by the corridor. soon my uncles came, haek, asyraf and my grandma. her lines of old age are soiled in tears despite the glasses on. we stood there waiting.

he had a heart attack again last night and was having great deal of difficulty breathing. after much help from the doctors, he slowly regain his breathing and thats when my uncle received a very daunting phone call that stirred the whole family awake. time then was 1 am.

"...your father has a 50-50 chance of survival.. i suggest that everyone come by to see him while u can. how many siblings altogether?..."

"...i suppose your sister can make it back from overseas. i'm sure she's allowed to, knowing that this is an emergency situation..."

back at the visitors' lounge.. i was watching closely over grandma, who obviously have not had good sleep since the day before. she was telling me how my grandfather was already not in a very good condition before she left for home earlier that day. she said my grandfather started crying at the sight of her and seeing my little cousins there.

in tears, he muttered to my grandma, "...macam mana dgn anak anak nanti... cucu semua macam mana..." - (what about our children.. what about our grandchildren?)

my watch tells me its 330am. we have been waiting nervously in anticipation for the last 2hrs. moments later, the doctor spoke to us and said we are allowed to visit him.

the feeling of seeing my grandfather, the man who deserves my utmost respect..who brought up one of the most impt persons in my life (i.e. my mom) surviving on wires and tubes.. was so unbearable. what triggered off all my defenses at that time was seeing my grandmother cry while holding his hand and touching his face. my grandfather could not open his eyes, but seeing that tear flowing down his sad cheeks assures me that he can hear our cries. his wife's cries.

it took a while before grandmother settled down and the doctors had to do all sorts of medical treatment on him first. we made our way back to the lounge. and waited..